Friday, March 12, 2010
A couple days ago, I took Gary a supersized helping of homemade beef stew.
When I saw him tonight at Bingo, the first thing he said was, “Well, I’m still alive.”
“You must not have eaten the stew,” I said.
But he had, and he had survived it, and later we launched into a long discussion of food. Which led Gary to tell this joke, which reminded me of a groaner Mike had told me earlier, and then my son told me another one that fits right into today’s theme: Soldiers Home humor.
Gary’s joke: (Gary is an excellent story- and joke-teller. I have condensed this for space—and so I don’t ruin it by trying, and failing, to recreate his version.) A woman walks into her neighborhood meat market and can’t decide what to buy. The butcher shows her a juicy pork loin, but she is tired of pork. Then he shows her a steak, but she can’t afford it. “I know what you’d like,” says the butcher. “We just got this fresh beef tongue—it’s tender, and it makes great sandwiches.” “Oh, heavens no,” the woman says. “I could never eat anything that’s come out of an animal’s mouth!” Then she looks down the counter. “Let me have a dozen eggs instead.”
Mike’s joke: A man and a woman are riding in a horse-drawn carriage at full clip when suddenly the horse comes to a stop. The man gets down, looks the horse in the eye and says, “That’s one.” They go a little farther, and the horse slams on the brakes again. The man walks up to him, looks him in the eye and says, “That’s two.” Minutes later, the horse again stops abruptly. The man gets out, grabs his rifle and shoots the horse dead. “Why on Earth did you do that?!?,” shrieks the woman. Says the man: “That’s one.”
My son’s joke: How do you make three elderly women swear? Have a fourth yell, “Bingo.”
A couple days ago, I took Gary a supersized helping of homemade beef stew.
When I saw him tonight at Bingo, the first thing he said was, “Well, I’m still alive.”
“You must not have eaten the stew,” I said.
But he had, and he had survived it, and later we launched into a long discussion of food. Which led Gary to tell this joke, which reminded me of a groaner Mike had told me earlier, and then my son told me another one that fits right into today’s theme: Soldiers Home humor.
Gary’s joke: (Gary is an excellent story- and joke-teller. I have condensed this for space—and so I don’t ruin it by trying, and failing, to recreate his version.) A woman walks into her neighborhood meat market and can’t decide what to buy. The butcher shows her a juicy pork loin, but she is tired of pork. Then he shows her a steak, but she can’t afford it. “I know what you’d like,” says the butcher. “We just got this fresh beef tongue—it’s tender, and it makes great sandwiches.” “Oh, heavens no,” the woman says. “I could never eat anything that’s come out of an animal’s mouth!” Then she looks down the counter. “Let me have a dozen eggs instead.”
Mike’s joke: A man and a woman are riding in a horse-drawn carriage at full clip when suddenly the horse comes to a stop. The man gets down, looks the horse in the eye and says, “That’s one.” They go a little farther, and the horse slams on the brakes again. The man walks up to him, looks him in the eye and says, “That’s two.” Minutes later, the horse again stops abruptly. The man gets out, grabs his rifle and shoots the horse dead. “Why on Earth did you do that?!?,” shrieks the woman. Says the man: “That’s one.”
My son’s joke: How do you make three elderly women swear? Have a fourth yell, “Bingo.”
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